Are you wondering how to make marriage last? Have you had some too close for call near misses where you almost split up? I think we all have had some rough patches in our relationships. It’s all about growing and learning how to live with someone else. It can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are my brain pickings on how to keep your relationship in tact.
June 12 was our 19 year anniversary. This photo was from several years back. We have made it to a mark many don’t these days. I have worked in the legal field handling divorces for clients so believe me, I know! Marriage requires a lot of give and take. It’s a team effort
19 Ways To Make Marriage Last
Put God First.
The most important part of a strong marriage is putting God first and including him in your life. Read the Bible together, discuss the Bible with your children and family. Work daily on living like Christ and follow the example of what the Bible requires of married couples.
Make Time For Each Other.
This should be obvious, but so many couples go about their days tending to their obligations and neglect the most important one which is their spouse. Don’t become just roommates. You are much more than that. If you have to make a schedule with a set date or dates and times each week to spend quality time, do it.
Learn to Compromise.
Compromise can be tricky. You probably lived several years independent and single and now suddenly it’s not just about you anymore. You’re not going to agree on everything. You’re two different people with individual likes, dislikes and opinions. He may want to eat at Burger King. She may want to eat at Red Lobster. Find a middle ground. Choose Red Lobster one night and Burger King the next time you are out on date night, or vice versa. I used this drastically different choice of places to eat because it is an honest example of me and my husband. We are quite the opposite of each other.
Your spouse is going to mess up at some point and do something that makes you mad. Harboring ill feelings toward him or her is not going to make marriage last. Anger and resentment can ruin a relationship. Forgiveness will truly set you free. Talk to your partner about your feelings. Seek counseling if necessary to overcome the pain so that you and your relationship can heal.
Learn When To Shut Up.
I have to admit when I was younger this was very hard for me. My hubby likes to say “I was a dog with a bone” when it came to not letting arguments go. I always had to get the last word. Continuing an argument simply causes more problems. It does not prove anyone right or wrong. When tempers get heated and emotions rise, separate and find quiet time away from each other to cool off. It’s better to discuss feelings and work on problems when you are both level-headed.
Don’t Be Overly Jealous.
We all get jealous to a certain degree. Some people have a bigger jealous bone than others. When jealousy consumes you and causes you to do crazy things, it gets out of control. Excessive jealously can hurt your relationship with your spouse. You have to be able to trust each other. Be a trustworthy person and expect the same from your spouse. Talk to your partner and both of you set boundaries and stick with those boundaries when it comes to third parties.
Share Household Chores.
Guys. It is not the 1940s anymore. Many of us wives work outside of the home. We are always known to be the one juggling the household, the kids, and who knows what else. Help your wife do chores around the home. Clean up after yourself and help teach the kids to do the same. Most women like a clean home and appreciate help with the household duties. Remember a happy wife is truly a happy life.
Stick Up For Each Other.
If someone bad mouths your spouse, stand up for him or her. Tell that person you will not tolerate their attitude toward your soul mate. What I mean by this is you are both a team and need to have each other’s backs like a team if you plan to make marriage last.
Traveling is fun. Everyone deserves a break to relax and make memories. Take vacations together, take lots of pictures and enjoy your time together.
Don’t lie. Lies come back and bite leaving a vicious wound. Being honest with each other is a lot less painful in the long run and opens the pathway for communication and healing, if needed.
You said your vows and you made a promise to this person. It’s for better or worse. It’s you two till the end. Now stay committed. Things can get rocky. You’re gonna get bored with each other sometimes. That is when you should find ways to bring the spark back not turn your back looking for a replacement. This is your life partner. You don’t turn your back on your partner.
Be A Shoulder To Cry On.
Life has its ups and downs. There will be days when you need to be a support system because your spouse is feeling down. Be open for communication. Be a good listener and always offer a hug and plenty of love and support.
Parent As A Team.
Parenting is tough work, but if you both work as a team you can master it like pros. Kids can be very sneaky and sometimes will play their parents like pawns in a chess game to get what they want. Hey, we all did it. They’re just being kids. That’s why we have to just be parents and work together staying on the same page when it comes to disciplining our children.
Clean Up After Yourself.
Your partner is not your private maid. Show each other respect and clean up after yourself. You’re both adults and adults should clean up their own messes.
Tend To Your Partner’s Needs.
Learn the needs of your partner and strive to meet those needs. To make marriage last, you both need to put forth the effort required to show each other how much you love one another.
Some of us are hopeless romantics and others have no clue what romantic means. That’s what Google is for. Learn how to be a little romantic if you don’t know how. It’s not hard to do. Just a little romance goes a long way in filling your partner’s love bank.
Some people are more affectionate than others, but try to show affection to your spouse. Hugs and kisses boosts our moods and that promotes a healthy well-being.
Don’t be Selfish.
Think of your spouse before you make decisions in life. Learn to share if you don’t know how to already.
Set Goals Together.
Include your partner in your future goals. Make plans together and share responsibility in working toward those goals.
So there you have it. My tid bit on making it to 19 years of marriage and beyond.