Ok ya’ll, today I’m getting personal about body positivity. Being body positive is all about accepting who you are, the wrinkles, the fat and everything in between.
Have you ever struggled with weight problems or are you the type who could eat anything and never gain an ounce? What if maybe you have dealt with both sides of the coin?
Getting In Touch With Body Positivity
I think in describing myself I am the latter of the above. As a child I was not just skinny, I was toothpick thin. Even during my teen years I could eat most anything and not gain a bit of weight. Many called me lucky, but I considered it a curse. I did not have any curves and truly envied the girls who actually looked like girls and not stick figures.
Weight Gain During Pregnancy
After I got married and had my second child, I gained a considerable amount of weight. I admit I went from not much of an appetite to you best get out of my way if I am headed to the fridge. It was crazy!
Hormone overload will wreck havoc on a figure. This was new to a girl who had been as thin as a rail her entire life. I figured after Jo was born, within weeks the pounds would shed right off. After all, I easily dropped the small amount of weight I gained with my firstborn, Ashley. Boy was I wrong. My son was born and weeks turned into months and I still had a considerable amount of baby weight left over. It was not the curves I had dreamed about having as a teen. To me, everything was disproportionate being it all settled in my butt and my gut.
Taking Diet Pills
My self-esteem suffered and I turned to weight loss pills to attempt to get rid of the pounds. After a few months of pills that made me feel like a crazy woman on speed one minute and ready to throw up the next, I dropped down to a size 3 again and felt like a brand new woman. I was thrilled with my new-found image. It was fun going out buying cute little clothes to fit my new frame.
However, unbeknownst to me, my new body image would only last a few short years before the weight gain came back to find me. Within the course of maybe two years, I went from a size 3 up to a size 16! I tried to adapt to the fact that here I was again with a chubby monkey on my back.
For a while I did okay. I put all of my cute little clothes away in the drawer and bought a new wardrobe to fit my growing body. However, it did not take long before I started feeling the effects of weight gain in a society that is obsessed with being thin. At first I was fine with myself, but self-esteem and body image issues began taking over and I was not too happy with the way I looked. I got depressed. Since I didn’t want to experience nasty side effects from diet pills again, I started drinking lots of coffee. They say the caffeine can really help with weight loss.
Coffee for Breakfast and Starving Myself
I cut out sodas and eating fast food and substituted breakfast for coffee. Then I started exercising more than I did. It was not long before I could tell the difference. My clothes were getting loser each day and within mere months I had dropped down to a size 3 again. Being a bit slim on my eating habits this time around, my breakfast consisted of nothing but coffee. Not exactly healthy I know but I figured I’m young and strong so not eating all the time is not such a bad thing right?
Before long my bird-like eating and increase in exercise landed me at a coveted size 1! (Way too skinny, I know) I was a stick girl all over again and had some people ask me if my health was alright. It’s not every day that someone drops that many pounds over months without people wondering what is wrong.
I assured them I was fine all the while gulping down coffee for breakfast, ignoring tummy growls till lunch, having a small can of soup or sandwich for lunch and eating a light dinner. This was pretty much my routine over the course of a 5 year period and I stayed super thin. In the beginning I had tons of energy and felt pretty good but over time all of that started to change.
I noticed I began feeling some fatigue and theorized it was from being so busy at work. Then I started getting dizzy off and on and noticed clumps of hair would come out during showers. This was somewhat concerning yet I pretty much ignored it and kept going. After a while my poor eating habits took their toil. I ended up with a severe bought of gastritis and a nervous breakdown to boot. Needless to say I was one hot mess. After months of being sick, several weeks off work and various different medications later, I started on the road to recovery.
Getting Back to a Better Me
Did I have an eating disorder? I never wanted to admit it, but not eating is just as much of a problem as binging and purging. I vowed I owed it to myself and my family to get healthy. If I was mean’t to be skinny, it will happen. I can’t make myself sick to define what society should think of me.
Now I eat healthier and take care of myself better than I did. I gained several pounds in the process but I’m loving my body. It’s a work in progress. I’ve got to love me. Remembering I’m as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside and I’m not going to let a failing society tell me otherwise. I’m focusing on my body positivity.